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Single Malt Scotch & The Christmas Tree ~ Real Truths ~

tree

It’s here ~  My favorite time of year – bring on the snow & jolly.  Although I am starting to panic.  I counted the days till the fat boy comes down the chimney, and  I am approximately 2.7 days behind in my cross border shopping,  decking my halls, and turning my house into a slightly modified version of Santa’s Workshop.  I showed my girlfriend a picture of the number of bins I had at the ready, and likened it to Christmas puking in my basement. Let me explain.

I asked my hubby to dig out the bins for me. What I DID NOT say was bring them out, remove all contents, and start interrogating me on reasons why I would buy black “chalkboard balls” for the tree.  If you are a dude reading this, you have no clue what “black chalkboard balls” are and most likely just hoping it’s not contagious.  I think he just wanted me to acknowledge the full extent of my addiction and capture the insanity that is truly me. Boooo Hisss!   I sent him to the naughty chair.

Admittedly, I have purchased a lot of Christmas décor over the years, but I find that as I “age”, my tastes are also changing. Less is more in my opinion.

I also have a huge confession.  Tree decorating is something I’m sort of particular about – Those adorable “made with love” ornaments that come home from your kids every year are cute, but they never make it to my tree!  That’s just the real truth and I will most likely lose about 6 of my 19 followers!!  I like my tree to appear more like a dumbed down version of something out of House & Home, Holiday Edition 2016.   Shoot me now – Guilty as charged.   And no..I’m not a snob…it’s just a “tree thing.”   I’ll party through this festive season like a rock star, and drink you under the table during Christmas dinner if I have to!

Traditionally, we always do two trees. One real, and one fake!  For various reasons, we can only do one tree this year, and REAL was the consensus.

I’m actually kind of glad.  The fake one I purchased at Kohl’s some years ago is starting to lose it’s appeal.  It lays in a body bag in my garage throughout the year and between hockey equipment and road bikes, it gets kicked around a lot.  The fake snow that used to look so real, continues to fall off, to the point where it now looks like a fir tree with a bad rash.  I did try to make it seem more life like by purchasing those pine sticks to hang on the branches, but every time someone walked into the room, their eyes would start to water, their throats closed up and I would find myself searching for my puffer.

The purchase of our tree is nothing like the movies. Let’s face it, we all like to think Norman Rockwell, but it’s more like Christmas Vacation. We are not “THAT” family. I would love to “lie” and say we all ventured into the woods, hot chocolate in hand, singing carols, while we chopped down a tree, but HELL NO!  I basically have to bribe the boys to join us in coming to the local plant store, (just adjacent to the beautiful backdrop of the cement plant) to pick the tree!  So here is how it’s gonna roll out….

We will arrive to see them all hanging like beef in a commercial freezer, ready to be the “chosen one.”  This year, for sentimental reasons, we are letting our dog Lucy pick the tree.  First one she walks to, SOLD!  And this way, thing one, two AND three, won’t even have to get out of the car!  It’s a win all around!

As in previous years, the sales dude will saunter over with a chain saw in his hand looking like something out of a horror movie. He slashes the throat rope, our beloved tree falls to the grown; he hauls it up by it’s neck trunk, and throws it into the webby machine to make transport a breeze!  I’m thinking I will want to continue shopping and pick up some foliage for my Urns, but again, I will witness the frozen icicle dripping from the dudes nose, and decide it’s just best to make a quick getaway.

I don’t do sugar in the water, and I don’t let it sit overnight.  Let’s just get this done, so I can start posting on social media! Who’s with me…. 😉

Again, unlike the movies, with the fire crackling, and all the kids in their onesie’s helping to hang the tinsel, it’s not happening.  They are 24, 21 and 15…. onesie’s don’t work anymore, and quite frankly, I find tinsel hoakie!  My fire doesn’t crackle, it’s gas, I flip a switch, and if I ever figure out how to clean off the carbon built up on the inside, we could actually enjoy the faux ambiance!

Slowly, one by one, my staff of decorators will diminish.  One leaves for a girlfriends, one claims it’s boring and thinks we should just take a holiday south of the border every year.  This inevitably turns into a huge discussion with his dad about being an Oakville Kid, living in the “bubble”, and should get his priorities straight!  I turn my back, roll my eyes, and start searching for the bottle opener!  Sounding familiar?

Boy 3 just continuously breaks a few balls (to which I’m thinking is now on purpose) and then decides gaming is a better option.

I will be decorating sans family.  I’ll have the Christmas Carols playing on a loop and as I take out each ornament, will reminisce about some little memory about my life, with boys, and the reality that it is.  Simple Truths!

scotchOnce done, you’ll find me on the sofa, feeling accomplished, most likely tuning into The Sound of Music, cold brew in hand, because even mommy’s have their traditions!  As for my hubby, well, we will lose him at about the 20 minute mark, making a fast track to the liquor cabinet, pouring himself a fine single malt scotch and firing up a stogie!

Keeping it real is a good thing.  If you embrace simple truths, it makes real life much more bearable.

Speaking of keeping it real….my ‘wardrobe’ during the festive season!  I’m a simple girl….

jeans
Gap Boyfriend Jeans  $24.99 Ugly Xmas Sweater ~ Priceless

oh, and one more thing…as much as the “selfie/Photoshop” chat is getting old, I was shown these shoes which I’m most definitely adding to my Christmas wish list. It’s really all about social media in the end… 😉  Admit it, these brought a smile to your face.

selfie

Feliz Navidad my friends,

Coming soon…. Sharing the good news and other shenanigans

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